Do you ever get to the point that you just sort of feel disheartened by everything? Like, you could put in all the effort you wanted but it would never be enough? And the more you put in effort, the less you actually gain and hold onto because you feel as though there’s always something trickling away?
It’s like putting water into a cup and you only have so much water you can put in…but there’s forever a perpetual hole in the cup that lets the water seep out. And unless you keep putting in faster than the water can escape, you’re never going to have a full cup.
I feel like that’s a pretty good metaphor for my life right now. At least, everything except for my job because there I actually do see results.
And I don’t know. It’s a really shitty place to me, a crummy thing to feel constantly and yet I have no clue how to actually circumvent it. I’m not really looking for sympathy, but rather putting the thoughts to pen and using this blog as an outlet since it’s also one of the areas where I feel like I’m constantly putting in insane amounts of effort and seeing very little progression.
It makes me wonder if something I’m doing isn’t working, but the problem is you can’t really fix it if you don’t know what it is. And I’m just word vomiting as it stands. I guess I just feel crummy and with depression it’s been that way for a while. Sometimes I don’t know how the world keeps moving forward, but it does. I suppose that’s pretty amazing.